Sunday Confessions

I haven't written a lot lately.

No, that is not my confession.

It seems to be that I am taking two medications that can cause nightmares.

While for the most part they don't bother me so much, the last few weeks have been bad. Last nights was the worst.

I don't want to go into detail about it, as if it might make it come true, and I am not ready for that. My confession does have to do with my dream tho.

I feel guilty for being somewhat happy about the events in my dream. It was horrible, something I don't want to think about but is going to happen, and probably soon. Yet when it happens, it will also help me out to some extent.

Thus the reason why I feel guilty, and the reason why I woke up so upset this morning.

Then I find out this morning that the guy I root for in NASCAR ran over and killed someone at the dirt track last night.

I will admit, I have somewhat lost interest in him over the last year, mainly because his driving has gone down somewhat. He hasn't been finishing well. I am not a fair weather fan, I've rooted for him for over 12 years.

But this incident has left me scarred.

At first I was sympathetic towards him. I mean, he has to feel horrible for this tragic accident, right?

Then I start reading statements, comments, and watching the raw eyewitness video over and over.

I am sickened.

Tony Stewart is an excellent driver. He has been driving and competing since he could walk. He's driven almost anything you can imagine that has a steering wheel and has excelled in all of them, winning numerous championships in many different classes; USAC, Indy, dirt, Nascar, to name a few. His ability to drive a 4-wheeled vehicle of any kind with control and skill is what has made him the Champion he is. His driving and competitiveness has been likened to the late great Dale E.

Even the most skilled driver can make mistakes.

But that's just it.....mistakes.

Upon watching the video over and over, I'm not sure that it was a mistake.

I believe that the OUTCOME was a mistake, but not the act which caused it.

It is no secret that Tony is a hothead. He has been in many fights. He has jumped out of his own car and thrown his helmet at a fellow Nascar driver. He has taken retaliation on and off the track. Yet this one was the worst one he could have done.

I didn't want to believe it, but as I watched the video three, four, five times, you can tell many factors to see that the act of what he did (not the outcome) was intentional.

1) He is higher up on the track than the other drivers are. Comments on various media outlets say that he had no way of knowing the accident had happened and that he had no time to react and get out of the way. Yet he is going faster than all the other drivers, he knew he clipped the car to cause the wreck (pinning him against the wall), and when he comes around close to him, you can hear him accelerate his engine.

2) Fans say he accelerated to get out of the way, thus causing his back end to swing out and clip the driver, standing on the track. Tony has much more driver control of a vehicle than that. It seems as though he accelerated and swung towards him on purpose, maybe to scare him, not realizing that what actually happened would happen, though it was still careless nonetheless.

3) He still plans on racing in the Nascar race today. I know he bleeds racing, but this is just wrong. Out of respect to the family of the young man he killed, he needs to sit this one out. He should feel enough remorse and grief over what he's done that he wouldn't even want to get behind the wheel.

4) The released statements from his PR, or at least what I've seen so far, are at best empty and unsympathetic. While I have seen that Tony is working with authorities about the matter, their PR statements read as if he had nothing to do with it...."Tony was not hurt". Really? That was our main concern? He runs over someone, but luckily HE didn't get hurt. And its "business as usual" today at Watkins Glen, as if nothing happened.

Granted, Ward should have NEVER gotten out of his car and stood on the race track. That was his mistake. A mistake that sadly cost him his life.

I pray for his family today, who is grieving his loss in a way no family should have to.

And yes, even though I have now felt that I can no longer be a Tony Stewart fan, I pray for him as well. I pray that he realizes what he did was wrong, that he understands that his hothead ways has to stop, that his actions have scarred a family for life, and that he does not get away so lightly for what he's done. I pray that he is sympathetic, although that hasn't really shown yet. If he releases a statement later on showing remorse for what he's done, I might change my mind.

But I doubt it.

*Want to watch for yourself? Please be advised, it is graphic and there is foul language.

DISCRETION ADVISED - NASCAR driver Tony Stewart H…: http://youtu.be/qILmIyG6qno