Yard Sale Saturday

Everyone knows I am a bargain hunter. The better the deal, the happier I am. Not only do we save money, which is great because we have none right now, but we also get great stuff.

Today was no exception.

First thing I had a message from a Facebook friend that delivered a swing and a cute toy for Layna. So generous and thoughtful of her to give us both items! It made my day, knowing we now have a swing for her, if we can just get Daddy to build a frame for it.

I left out alone this morning to hit a yardsale I saw advertised on Facebook. It didn't look as great in person as it did when I got there, but I did end up with a Bumbo seat with tray for $5 that needs a bit of cleaning, a couple of shirts my size for $1 each, and a really pretty multi picture frame that holds like 10 4x6's for $2. All in all not too bad.

When I got back I somehow talked Bugz into going to a community yard sale. It was drizzling, so we weren't sure how it would be, but beings last time we went there was a house selling a lot of stuff he liked, we decided to go.

The first sale we stopped at we didn't see a whole lot, but they had a basket of Ty beanies. Layna picked out a bear she liked, and they had them all marked .50 a piece. Sadly, we had no change but a $20, so we handed it to them. They kindly said never mind, that she could have it for free. How sweet was that?

Then we went to a sale where they had a lot of wooden stuff. They had the cutest rocker that was Layna's size. We sat her in it, and she was so cute! The lady said she'd had it hand made. We asked her how much, and she said $15! When we got home with it, there was a $25 sticker on it! Great deal!

Last stop we kinda got suckered in to. The lady saw us leaving the house with the rocker and yelled across the street that she had baby girl stuff. She starts pulling out everything that she thinks Layna could/would wear and I felt obligated to buy something, even though she was asking a tad bit too much for some of it. I ended up with a Carter's bathing suit, a pink sleeper with frogs on it, two solid pink onesies, a t-shirt with a frog, a cute little white romper with cherries on it, and a cute blue, yellow, and white dress, all for $7. Not too bad.

It began to rain pretty hard as we were there, so we got nice and wet getting to the car. We left there and headed to a friend's house, who also generously gave us a swing for Layna. Now she has one for home and one for her Pop's house.

We thought we were going home after that, but ended up at a second hand/junk store because he always has a lot of baby stuff outside. Didn't really see anything we wanted for her there, so we came home.

Not a very productive afternoon. I cooked lunch (that Bugz didn't like) and made some brownies. If you know me, I am lactose intolerant, so I don't usually eat brownies. But I found a mix that didn't have milk, so I tried them. Praying the caffeine in the cocoa doesn't bother me, as caffeine usually makes me sick too.

Let me tell ya tho.....those brownies are yummy!

Hoping to go to the drive-in tonight. Bugz wants to go, now that he has a little money, but he's also asleep right now. Haha!

FYI, stomach is starting to roll and feeling hot and sweaty.....maybe brownies weren't a good idea after all.  :(

Firsts

Some people don't understand how much "firsts" mean to a new, first-time mother. Especially one that will probably not have any more children.

Maybe because it's been a while since they had their own. Maybe because they don't think about other's feelings. Maybe they just don't care.

But to us moms, it means the world. It is something that will never happen again. First laugh, first smile, first foods.

As I sit here watching her sleep in my arms, I can't imagine life without her. It doesn't even feel real, her being mine. I can't imagine missing any of her firsts.

Today Layna got to swing in a "big kid" swing. I am so glad I got to be the one to do it and got it on video. I only wish Daddy had been there too.

When it hurts.....

Having Layna has opened my eyes to so much. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her. I used to have a spending problem, and I still do, but it's all for or about her. Clothes, toys, yarn to make a blanket (and hopefully a monkey one day).

But it's not just about money. Its about family. Its about her future. Its about her spiritual life.

I choose Layna's godparents (and Bugz agreed) because they love her so much, and they are the Godly type of people I want to influence her life. It is important that when I and/or Bugz can't be there for her that she has someone that will care for her; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I believe in my heart they can do that.

I also wanted to raise my daughter in the church I grew up in. She is the 5th generation (possibly 6th) of my family to attend our church, and I am proud to say she was baptized there.

Yet, recent events have caused me to question whether it's the right church for us or not. I do not want to go into detail as to why, that's my personal issue with certain people in the church. But to sum it up, there is so much negative there. Old versus young. Power struggles. Bosses, not leaders. Talking behind people's backs.

I realize this is probably so in most churches, but the source is the main problem.

That is why it saddens me to make the decision not to attend my family church anymore. Beyond my obligation this week, I am just not sure I could go back.

A church is supposed to be spiritually filling. A church is supposed to be uplifting. A church is for God, not the greedy needs of us humans, to control and bicker with those who don't want to do what we want to do, to talk about them behind their backs and cause more turmoil.

When there is division in the church, it is sure to crumble. We have already lost some because of this division, and others will soon follow. Is this really what we want? To drive the ones away that don't agree with what we want? To make our church all about our wants, and not about God?

As you walk through the doors of a church, you should feel welcomed. You should feel comfortable. You should feel inspired. But most of all, you should feel the Holy Spirit fill you up. You should be fired up, ready to learn, worship, and praise His name.

How can you feel that when there is so much tension? So much division?

I will pray for my little church, that they can come together and realize what is most important; worshipping God and preparing our children for their spiritual future.

I also pray that we as a little family, can find the place where we feel comfortable worshipping the Lord and serving Him. Maybe one day it will be my little family church again.

Frustration

So I started this entry, added pics to it, and it is lost in space. It says "saving" but it's not. Its forever in limbo I guess.

That being said, I am not about to retype all that up. Condensed version:

We had a great Saturday, the 14th, our little family did. We met Troy and Jacob Landry! We went shopping, window shopping mostly, but it was still fun.

Late that night, Bugz left with his friends. They got pulled over, and under suspicious circumstances, he was pulled out of the car and taken in for the warrant he had out for his child support. So since early Sunday morning, Father's Day, Bugz has been in jail.

He missed Layna's first Father's Day. He missed the fun fireworks tonight. He is going to miss VBS at church. But there's one thing he's not gonna miss.

Me.

I think I have known from the beginning, but my suspicions have been somewhat confirmed these last few days. He loves Layna to death, and I know that's the only reason he is with me, is because of her.

He made mention that her and I were a package deal....so it's great to know that he has to take me if he wants Layna.

I have my other reasons for why I know he doesn't want me, but I am not going to mention them. Just thinking about them makes me want to puke, not to mention feel even less attractive and useless.

So here I lay, alone in bed, sad and blue, thinking about him, knowing he's not thinking about me.

Friday the 13th

I am not normally superstitious, but Friday the 13th has always been a bad day for me. Had a tooth break when being pulled and had to dig it out, had a wreck and totalled my car (although it was still drivable), among other things that have happened.

So what am I doing this Friday, the 13th, on a full moon, and we have 80,000+ extra people in our small town for the weekend?

Well, I want to stay home. I don't want to drive. I don't want to get in the Bonnaroo crowd (especially at Wal-Mart).

But I am going stir crazy! Wednesday all we did outside the house was go to the church for about an hour, which was a waste of time. Yesterday I ran to Spring St Market for some cooking pork (which I made beans with and then forgot to put them in the fridge last night....dangit!)

I can't stand just sitting around. I try to work on a crochet blanket I have going, but Layna has been so dang fussy lately I can't put her down. Right now she's laying in her crib crying; I'm hoping she'll fall asleep. She has to learn to do that on her own.

Yesterday as I made beans, I also cooked BBQ pork, and I cleaned the kitchen. What does it look like now? Like I never touched it. Am I cleaning it today? Probably....although I don't want to, it needs to be done, and no one else will do it.

This two story house is getting lonely.

I just want to get out, even if it's just to drive in the country, see what we can find. Stop at a river or lake somewhere and watch the water, maybe have a picnic. Hit up yard sales, flea markets, farmer's markets. Something.....anything! I hate being cooped up in this house.

The days we do have something to do, I relish it. We had an annual picnic on the side of the road a few weeks ago with the Majors family. Although it was warm and the bugs were bothering us, it was fun.

We also had a birthday swim party for Bugz's niece last week. It was Layna's first time in a pool! She loved it! I even got in and swam around, going down the water slide for the first time ever. It was fun. Next time I go swimming I need to not have a sinus infection.

Yeah, I have an infection, on antibiotics. Went to the doctor and that was her dx of my situation. All because I had ran out of my OTC allergy meds and didn't have them for a week. Won't do that again!

And now Layna is having a fit. The music stopped on her mobile. I need a battery operated one, not a crank that doesn't even last two minutes.   *sigh*  

3:42am Quicky

Being sick is for the birds. So much so that as I'm feeding Layna I have a leaky faucet incident with my nose and it goes rolling down my face. I jerk the bottle out of her mouth, grab a tissue, and wipe my face down. As I blow my nose I look over and Layna is looking at me like I've lost my mind. As I write this, it happened again.

Yeah, being sick sucks.