Friday, February 28, 2014

They Go In Threes?

I've always heard that saying: When someone dies, they always go in threes. Now, I'm not exactly sure how that works. Is it three in your family? Three that you know? Three within what time period? And does it stop with three, or does #2 of three have his/her own three? 

Depending on the factors, either the threes have already happened, and exceeded, or they have just begun. Within this year alone my distant family lost Mary Alice, Edna Ruth, and now Ted. Then there was Pa Claude, Horace, and Carolyn. And it's just the last day of February. 

Horace and Carolyn were not family, so do they count in the equation? And Pa technically is not blood relative, so does he count? Either way, that is two sets of three. So do we start over now, and if so how long do we wait? 

Even in Hollywood they come in threes. Probably more so than everyday life. Tim Wilson, Shirley Temple, and that dude that died of an overdose. I am sure there are more we don't know about or hear about. 

Where did the saying come from, that they go in threes? And why do you suppose they do, when they do? 

Deep thoughts over a 2am, 1 1/2 oz drunk bottle. Yes, I am sleep deprived, and parts of my body are going numb. Need sleep! 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Randomness at 2:30am

1) I need toothpicks to hold my eyes open this morning!

2) If you can use Coke to clean grease stains off of concrete, do we really need to be putting it in our bodies? 

3) There was an owl somewhere near my back yard around 9pm last night. Could hear it hooting. Was really cool! 

4) We are NOT going to get snow this week unless it comes out of nowhere. I just checked the radar. Yes, I am a meteorologist. 

5) Seriously, where are the toothpicks? Fell asleep twice before I got to here. 

6) I can't make my baby girl burp. That's not good. She'll end up spitting up in her sleep. 

7) Is jealousy healthy in a relationship? Yes and no. No because it causes friction between the two and can break the relationship up. Yes because jealousy shows that the person truly cares about you. They care so much they don't want to share or lose you. And for you to cheat on them would break their heart. If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't care if you lied, cheated, 

8) I wish we had a Target closer than 30 minutes away. I really like their store brand diapers. They fit good and are very absorbent. 

9) Realy gonna have to learn to change her diaper as she wakes up, not after her bottle. Why? She was asleep as soon as she finished the bottle. Brought her in here to change her....wide awake. Now got to spend another 15 minutes getting her back to sleep. 

10) REALLY need those toothpicks. Especially if I'm gonna rock her to sleep. I'll fall asleep before she does! 

11) Was gonna stop at 10 but sat down in the glider to rock little Frogger to sleep and am now listening to sleet hitting the AC in the window. 

12) Was gonna stop at 11 but she burped! Now we have hiccups, and still wide awake. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Beauty for Ashes

When God decides to call someone home it is never easy. While our loved one is rejoicing with Jesus in Heaven, those left behind are in mourning. Even though we should be happy that they are in a better place, our hearts are broken because they can't stay here with us. 

Layna's great grandpa, Pa Claude, was called home on the 16th of February after a very brief illness. It breaks my heart that she will not get to know him, for he was such a wonderful man. I am so glad that he got to see her, though, before he passed. We took her to see her grandparents and he was there too. 

Today is his funeral, and it will be a very difficult day for the Anderson family. Layna's daddy (Bugz) was so close to his Pa and he has been taking this very hard. Pa was his best friend. He is devistated without him. It will take time, but he will be ok. 

Layna has been a blessing to the whole family. If it hadn't been for her being passed around to all the family members (fought over who gets her next, actually) it might have been a little harder to deal with. It is amazing how one small child can make things heal faster. 

Speaking of healing, Layna had a follow up yesterday. She is back on track growth wise. She weighed in at 9lb 2oz and measured 21 1/2" long. But the best news of all is that she no longer has a heart murmur! He listened twice and said he did not hear it at all. Bugz truly believes that Pa Claude got to Heaven and he told God that he wanted Layna healed. 

She truly has a wonderful group of guardian angels watching over her from Heaven, including my mom. And I can't wait till we are all reunited once again. Oh what a day that will be! 

R.I.P. Claude Anderson

Sunday, February 16, 2014

No More Fussy?

Who took my child? Seriously, who took her and replaced her with one that doesn't fuss? She has done absolutely wonderful yesterday/last night/early am. She has not been fussy, no crying for no reason, no wanting to constantly eat. It's been great! She only got irritable once, and that was when we were doing Grammy Sue's shopping and she was hungry. This forgetful, tired mommy forgot to pack water to mKe a bottle with. Der! 

Only problem is sleep. She slept good while shopping, and she slept for a while at Grammy Sue's. She was asleep when we got home, and I let her sleep so I could eat supper and put away what I had got at the grocery. So now, she's been up twice in the last three hours. Right now she's fighting it, but still not crying. 

We have a big day ahead of us. Church, then off to Nashville to see Daddy and the rest of the family (or whomever might be there). We also might have to stop on the way there or the way back and do a little shopping. much for the no crying. She's starting up now. lol

Here she is, Grammy Sue holding her, wearing an outfit Grammy's great nephew and his wife gave her. 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

The Good With The Bad

Pa had a procedure done yesterday. They are waiting on the results of a biopsy before they can make the next step. Sadly, he knew what was going on and what might happen, and on Thursday, at the hospital, he made a request. He wanted all the kids, grandkids, great grandkids there with him. He also wanted a preacher there, because he wanted to get right with God. 

The only thing to do now is pray. Being almost 88 years old, whatever his body will have to go through will wear him out. Bugz refuses to leave the hospital till Pa gets to come home. 

Which leaves me with a fussy baby on my own. Needless to say I have had no sleep. And while it kills me that Bugz is not here, I know he's where he needs to be. 

We went to the hospital to see him and take him some clothes yesterday, and Layna got to meet the rest of the family she hadn't already met (minus a few kids that were too young for the hospital). She was passed around like a hot potato, going to almost everyone there. She was good the whole day! Got a little fussy right before we left to come home, around 7:30pm. Slept all the way home. Got home, got in the house, the fussy started. She didn't go to sleep till after midnight. And I say she slept.....she might not have. She was wide awake and she closed her eyes, and I fell asleep. She woke me at 2am for her bottle. 

Exhausted as I am, Layna's first Valentine's Day was memorable in so many ways. But the best was to know that she is being accepted and loved no matter what, and that I'm included in that too. You can't beat that. 

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Snow, Sinuses, and Prayer

Tuesday was very rough on me. My sickness got worse. I felt so horrible. Went to the doctor, turns out I have a sinus infection! Got a whole slew of meds to take, and they are helping somewhat. 

That night, Layna cried. 

And cried.

And kept crying. I got to the point where I couldn't stand it and I cried. 

And cried.

was so upset I couldn't console her. I was upset that just being in my arms didn't soothe her. I was so stressed out from her reletless crying and my lack of sleep. Finally when Bugz came and got her I cried and cried and cried myself to sleep. 

I woke up at 4:30 am Wed in extreme pain. The crying so much had made me have to blow my nose so much that I had either popped my eardrum or the infection is now in my ear. It hurt so bad I almost cried again. I got up, went in the kitchen, and heated my mini rice pack that I have and sat in my chair with it on. Luckily Layna was still asleep; Bugz finally got her down at midnight. 

After settling the pain down some, I went back to bed. I got my heating pad and turned it on and laid it on my pillow, laying my ear down on it. Layna started to stir, so I picked her up and laid her on my chest and she fell back asleep. 

We woke up at 7am. I felt better getting more sleep, thank goodness, but the yucky infection just had me worn out. The day went by pretty good, she wasn't too fussy, we took a nap around 9am. 

The evening brought snow! Not anywhere near the 4-6" they called for, but still pretty nonetheless. As we sat and watched the snow fall, we got a bad phone call. Bugz's grandpa (Pa) has to go to St. Thomas's in the morning, and it's pretty serious. He left and went to stay the night with him and will be going to the hospital with him today. 

Please say a prayer for Bugz, his Pa, and the family. Pray that Pa's procedure goes well today and everything turns out ok. Pray that their drive to Nashville will be a safe one, as I'm not sure how much snow they got north of us. 

I had a screaming baby again after he left. Yet again she was wanting her bottle nonstop. Crying her head off and not stopping unless I gave her the bottle, even if she had just had it. Finally around 9:30 she started to settle some and finally drifted off.

Me? I couldn't sleep. Worried about Bugz and Pa, nervous being alone without Bugz beings this is only the second time he's been gone all night since Layna was born 5 weeks ago. I finally drifted off and we slept till 3:30. Bottle, diaper change, bottle, now trying to burp at 4:30. Hopefully we can rock and go back to sleep. Going to be a long day ahead of us. 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

2am Randomness

What's on my mind this morning? 

1) I am SO greatful to my friend Loretta for not only handing down some of her daughter Lila's clothes for Layna, but for letting me use this cool sleeper contraption that Layna LOVES! She slept in it from the time we got home till now, only waking once before now for a bottle. We got home at 6pm!! 

2) What time periods, or decades, in the house building industry, did they start and stop including both a formal living room and a den? One was just for sitting and talking or entertaining, and one was for the TV. We had both in my parents house, my grandparents had it in both houses they had when I was growing up. My grandma's house has it, although the TV room was an add on to the house in 1979. Some older houses had both, some didn't. Do the newer houses being built today have both?

3) This cold or sinuses or whatever I have is kicking my butt! Tonight it developed into tooth pain along with the sore throat, headache, stuffy nose. I took one of my pain pills, a Percocet, and it helped the sore throat and headache but didn't touch the tooth pain. What helped, if only temporarily? Heat! Took a rice pack, heated it, and put it on my face where the tooth hurts, and the pain eased. Now to figure out how to clean out my nose....

4) Why oh why can't we get any snow???? I am sick of the false hopes and cold dreary days with no snow. No snow? Bring on the warmer weather! 

5) I really have to figure out my job situation. In a few weeks, after my 6 week healing period, I am gonna HAVE to do something. I can't depend on my grandma to help me pay my rent anymore. She will, but I shouldn't have to have her do that. It makes me feel so bad. 

6) Little Frogger just drank 3oz, which is good. The bad? I can't get her to burp. No matter what I do, sometimes she just won't burp. I know that's not good, but I don't know how to fix it either. 

7) I need Kleenex. I almost just had a leaky faucet all over Layna's face. Ewww! 

8) I am really in the mood to crochet. Not sure why, and don't know what I want to make either, but I want to do something. 

9) I am addicted to on-line shopping. I'm not sure if it is the easiness of it, or if it's the excitement of getting something in the mail. Right now I am expecting two books, a very unique baby book for Layna and a silly book with a profane title about babies and their lack of sleep. I am also expecting a charm bracelet that I had custom made with Layna's name, birthdate, and birthstone on it. I will add charms over the years, like a frog for my Frogger, a memorial charm for my mom, her grandma she'll never know (till Heaven), and will eventually pass it down to her. I am also expecting a FedEx delivery of a gift for someone who has helped me out so much through all of this with Lanya. He will be mad I spent money on him, but that's just how I am. I seriously think, tho, that I need an exchange pen pal. Someone that once a month we can send each other something in the mail. That way I am getting that excitement of getting something in the mail without having to go shopping and spend money. Of course, I'd be sending them something too, but it's not like I'd be selfishly spending money on myself. Now, how to find someone like that to do that with....

10) I have way too much on my mind at 2am! I need to change Layna's diaper and put us both back to sleep! 

Goodnight.....or should I say good morning. 

Monday, February 10, 2014

Who Do You Look Like?

At this 5:30am feeding, I have a lot on my mind. One stands out, tho (besides me being sick). 

I find it amusing, and sometimes irritating, that many different people can look at the same child and think so many different things. 

I am 34 years old, and to this day I have people do this to me. One set of people say I look just like my dad; sans beard. These people have known my dad for a long time. Then you have another set that say I look exactly like my mom. Yet again, they have known her forever. Then you have the ones that say I am a good combination of both. 

Now, I say the combination is the most accurate, although I have seen children where that is not the case. My BFF has two children; the oldest looks so much like her mom with just a few traits of her dad. The youngest? She is all daddy. Spitting image. He could never deny her! 

So what do I see when I look at Layna? Let me be honest, first. There is a question as to who her father is. I absolutely hate admitting that, but it's true. At first there was no doubt, because the estimated conception date was the first time I had been with the loser that is out of the picture. As the pregnancy progressed and ultrasounds kept saying she was further along (tho the doc wouldn't admit it) then there became the doubt. If she indeed was older than they originally thought, then she belongs to current acting daddy. When she was born 19 days early, that really threw the doubt in there (she came out full term weight). 

 That now being confessed, I see many things. There are days that I think she looks like my dad, especially with the ears. You can take my newborn picture and hers and we look identical. There are a few times when I look at her and see current daddy, especially while her eyes are blue (so are his). And then there are those times, more often than not, that she looks exactly like the loser.

Am I making myself see the loser because I'm so afraid the tests are going to say he is her father? Or is he really and I can see that? And if that's true then am I making up the times I think she looks like current daddy because I really want her to be his? 

Most people when they see Layna say she looks exactly like me. A few have said she looks like my mom (which I have yet to see myself). Only one person knew the loser (he was only around a month) and she said that as soon as she saw Layna she immediately thought she looked like him. Then you have current daddy's family, who say they can see him in her. 

So does the mind play tricks on us? Do we see what is there, or what we want to see? We already know everyone sees things differently. Who is right? Who is wrong? 

We will have results in two weeks. These are going to be a horrible, long two weeks. 

BTW, it is now 6:35am and baby girl won't sleep....and I'm eating cotton candy out of a plastic tub. 

Saturday, February 8, 2014


So I am confused tonight. Not only about the fact that there is snow coming yet we still are NOT getting it, but about how my baby girl is sleeping (or not sleeping). 

So I am sick, right? Sore throat, stuffy nose, aching all over, headache, the whole nine yards (and yes, I had a flu shot, while I was pregnant as a matter of fact). I have not been running a fever, although I have been hot and cold off and on. Been taking OTC meds and drinking hot tea for the throat. Not healing, but helping some. I really need rest, but that is laughable right now.

I'm now concerned that Layna may have some of it too. I finally got her to fall asleep tonight, but only by laying her on her stomach on my chest as I lay in bed. She slept like this for an hour, so I though I was safe laying her in her bassinet next to the bed. She stayed quiet for less than a minute, then she began to make rattling congestion sounds when she breathed. It, to me, sounded like she was having a hard time breathing. The longer she lay there, she started crying. 

I picked her up, laid her on my chest, and laid down. She immediately quietened and went back to sleep. Twenty minutes later tried laying her down again, same outcome. I eventually (right now) got up and gave her a bottle. After an ounce and a half she quit nursing the bottle and was drifting off. 

Came in here to change her diapey and she starts the rattling breathing again. Even her crying sounds hoarse. I tried using the bulb to see if I could suck anything out of her nose, no luck, nothing came out. 

So how do I get her to sleep if she is indeed sick and has a hard time sleeping on her back? I can't sleep with her on my chest all night. We're on round two of the bottle right now, maybe that will help. 

BTW, just looked outside, no snow. This is really getting old. 

Friday, February 7, 2014

5:45am Confession

I really don't think I'm cut out to be a mom. I love my little Frogger to death, but she drives me nuts! 

I have developed a sickness....sore throat, achy all over, dizzy spells. This kind of sickness calls for meds and rest. Well, got the meds (the OTC kind), but the rest is a joke. 

Frogger was awake almost all day yesterday. She slept when we got out to get my meds and groceries (hot lemon herbal tea...yum). You would think staying awake all that time would make her sleep at night. 


I was awake with her till 1am when daddy finally took over. I think I got about an hour and a half of "sleep" before her cries woke me up. No sooner did he get her asleep and laid her down in the bassinet she woke up crying again. She had done this to me all day. 

Got her out, tried to console her to no avail. Gave her a bottle and she sipped on it a while, then drifted off. I held her on my chest and we slept that way for about  two hours, when she woke up fussy again. Which brings me to where we are now. 

It seems as though, for the most part, every hour she's wanting her bottle. We tried pacifying (pun intended) her with the paci, but she wouldn't have it. The bottle was the only thing to keep her from crying. That, and me holding her after the bottle. No sleeping in the bassinet or pack and play, no swinging in the swing. She would be sound asleep in my arms and I would lay her down just to go pew and she would start fussing and crying. 

Now I said this was a confession, so I will confess. I can totally see where some parents/guardians/caregivers would get so upset that they would harm the baby, causing the shaken baby syndrome or even death. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not think that I would do this, because I would NEVER harm my Layna in any way. 

My experience, tho, is that I can see where some unstable people would get to that point. Lack of sleep, constant crying, not being able to handle your can easily snap. I had a friend that was suspected of killing his infant child, and as much as I loved him as a friend, I truly believe that this is what happened to him with his child. Sleep deprived, screaming child, lost it and unintentionally harmed the baby. 

If it were not for my relationship with God, I too might go down that path. When I get frustrated and upset, I ask God to help me, and He does. He calms my nerves and helps me to deal with Layna's constant crying. Not to say that I don't get frustrated, especially when daddy doesn't help with her as much as he could sometimes, but I pray, and that helps more than you can imagine. 

So now that it is 6:33 and Frogger has had 3oz of milk and is still fussy, daddy is trying to calm her down, and mommy is going to lay down and shut her eyes. 

Sleep? Maybe. 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

One Month Today!

My baby girl is one month today! It sure doesn't feel like it, seems it was only yesterday I was trying to push her out and just couldn't, then had to go in for a C Section. I hated it, but I wouldn't trade her for the world! Happy One Month Birthday Layna! Mommy loves you! 

1:30am Scare

So proud of my baby girl tonight! She slept for almost 4 hours! I actually feel pretty good getting more than an hour sleep at a time. Now if we can get her to do it again after this bottle, I'll be happy! 

Upon waking up and walking into the kitchen to make the bottle, I see that my front door is standing wide open. Looking  around the only thing I see wrong is the dog is missing. Not my little 5lb dog, she's in her crate. No, the big chocolate lab mix is missing. Wandering around, trying to keep the baby from crying so she doesn't wake up daddy, I go on a hunt to find Sadie (the dog). 

I remember that before we went to bed, she had wandered into Layna's room for some reason, and I had shooed her out and pulled the door to. Well, didn't do such a good job pulling the door to. Sadie had wandered into the room, pushing the door open to get in, and the door closed behind her. She was stuck in Layna's room! Opened the door and let her out. 

As for the front door? Just another something that is falling apart in my trailer that the landlord is letting fall to the wayside (long story for another feeding time). 

Now as I sit here waiting on my little Frogger to burp after her bottle so I can lay her down, I have just one more 1:30am thought. Using your phone as a flashlight while taking care of the baby is not a wise decision, especially when you are tired. Why? Because your tired, weak hands just might drop the phone on the baby. Yes, I have done this many times, including tonight. Like that cartoon where you are laying in bed with your arms extended above your head, checking your phone, and you drop it on your face? Yeah, that's me. 

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Newborns and Feeding Times

As a new mom at 34, I have been learning lots of things. For one, I had never changed a diaper till my daughter was born. Never, not a real one anyway. Cabbage Patch Kid dolls don't count. I learned that an infant car seat is HEAVY, even though the baby only weighs 7lbs 15oz. I learned that having a C Section is no fun at all, especially the recovery. I learned who I can and can't count on when I really need someone. I also learned that you can forget eating because the baby knows exactly when you are going to eat and will start crying, even if she's just eaten.

But what I really learned most is that you will never sleep again. Especially if you are like me and are a single parent. Not only that, but I have a very hard time sleeping when it is daylight outside.

Right now my precious Layna is a month old and she sleeps during the day and cries at night. This has caused me to have little to no sleep, more on the no side. 12am, 1am, get the point. I had begun posting on my Facebook page during our feeding times. For instance, 2:30am feeding; what I'm thinking about. It's funny, I was just doing them for fun. I missed one night because I had a headache and didn't post. A friend contacted me the next morning checking to make sure Layna and I were ok because she hadn't seen me post about our late night feedings.

So I thought why not start a blog? Random thoughts, things I have learned, funny sayings, maybe even some images of Layna and her mom's late night/early morning feeding times. It's too early tonight, but there may be another post later on, say, around 2am.

I hope you enjoy.

Holly and Layna