5:45am Confession

I really don't think I'm cut out to be a mom. I love my little Frogger to death, but she drives me nuts! 

I have developed a sickness....sore throat, achy all over, dizzy spells. This kind of sickness calls for meds and rest. Well, got the meds (the OTC kind), but the rest is a joke. 

Frogger was awake almost all day yesterday. She slept when we got out to get my meds and groceries (hot lemon herbal tea...yum). You would think staying awake all that time would make her sleep at night. 

Wrong.

I was awake with her till 1am when daddy finally took over. I think I got about an hour and a half of "sleep" before her cries woke me up. No sooner did he get her asleep and laid her down in the bassinet she woke up crying again. She had done this to me all day. 

Got her out, tried to console her to no avail. Gave her a bottle and she sipped on it a while, then drifted off. I held her on my chest and we slept that way for about  two hours, when she woke up fussy again. Which brings me to where we are now. 

It seems as though, for the most part, every hour she's wanting her bottle. We tried pacifying (pun intended) her with the paci, but she wouldn't have it. The bottle was the only thing to keep her from crying. That, and me holding her after the bottle. No sleeping in the bassinet or pack and play, no swinging in the swing. She would be sound asleep in my arms and I would lay her down just to go pew and she would start fussing and crying. 

Now I said this was a confession, so I will confess. I can totally see where some parents/guardians/caregivers would get so upset that they would harm the baby, causing the shaken baby syndrome or even death. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not think that I would do this, because I would NEVER harm my Layna in any way. 

My experience, tho, is that I can see where some unstable people would get to that point. Lack of sleep, constant crying, not being able to handle your emotions....you can easily snap. I had a friend that was suspected of killing his infant child, and as much as I loved him as a friend, I truly believe that this is what happened to him with his child. Sleep deprived, screaming child, lost it and unintentionally harmed the baby. 

If it were not for my relationship with God, I too might go down that path. When I get frustrated and upset, I ask God to help me, and He does. He calms my nerves and helps me to deal with Layna's constant crying. Not to say that I don't get frustrated, especially when daddy doesn't help with her as much as he could sometimes, but I pray, and that helps more than you can imagine. 

So now that it is 6:33 and Frogger has had 3oz of milk and is still fussy, daddy is trying to calm her down, and mommy is going to lay down and shut her eyes. 

Sleep? Maybe.