Random Schmandom

Where to begin?

1) It is 1:54am and I am excessively thirsty.

2) I started another blog entry that had a link attached to it, but for some reason it didn't save.

3)  The link was to a christening dress listed on Etsy. Who in their right mind would pay OVER $400 for a dress that would only be worn once? Granted, you have another girl she could wear it two, but seriously? $400?? I am flabbergasted.

4) Bottle time is over and Layna is asleep. I am struggling to hold my eyes open, sitting in the glider rocker listening to the high wind gusts blowing my trailer around.

5) My c-section scar is hurting for some reason. Nothing unbearable but it is uncomfortable.

6) My SO and I got in a fight yesterday and the whole day was uneasy. We went to bed not saying goodnight. I don't like that. It hurts my heart, even though the fight was valid in some ways. It was a matter of having feelings hurt and short tempers.

7) Is it weird that I like the smell of Layna's (soy) milk breath? I'm addicted to it. lol

8) It's now 4:57am and poor baby can't breathe. No matter how much I've sucked her nose out it does no good. I try to give her her bottle and she can't drink it because she can't breathe. I don't know what to do for her. Guess a doctor's appointment needs to be made. Too bad it's going to be very stormy today.

9) Listening to the strong winds now. Its rippling my metal roof and making the bush at the end of the trailer squeak as it rubs the metal.

10) Rain is coming in, and I think I left my windows cracked in the car. Crap.

11) I need to figure out how to make some money from home. The SO's boss still hasn't paid him, so we need money coming in. I've a good mind to hunt that boss down and tell him off. But the SO shouldn't be putting in so many hours for him, either, if he's not gonna pay him.

12) I have been hurt, cheated on, abused, and abandoned so many times that my trust factor is gone. Same for my self esteem. Which also brings out my jealousy factor. Its natural, after all I've been through and seen.

13) Its pretty bad when your own Grammy tells you that you take horrible close up pictures. She saw one of me, that got many compliments, and said the above statement. Thanks Grammy, there goes my self esteem again.

14) Turns out Layna didn't want her bottle, she wanted her paci. She is now falling back asleep.

15) It is now 10:42am, I think it's time to get the day started! Can I take a nap? lol

What Day Is It?

Time has gone by so fast! It seems like it would go slow, beings I'm not working, but every day with Layna is an adventure.

I joined a clothing swap on one of the mommy boards I am on. They paired us boy/girl. So I got to buy for a little boy, and his mommy bought for Layna. I actually had two swap partner's, as one lady never heard from the organizer so I told her I'd swap with her too. I had so much fun shopping for a little boy! I agree there isn't near as much to choose from, but there are some cute little outfits!

I received one package already and her little outfits are so cute! She wore the one that says "Daddy Loves Me" yesterday for Daddy's birthday. I can't wait to see what partner #2 got for her!

Thursday I did Layna's Easter pictures. Yes, I did them, on my own. After having done them I found so much more I could have done, or done differently. In my defense, it was rather windy that day. My poor Easter eggs were flying away! I'm still pretty happy with how they turned out. Made some 4x6 collage photos yesterday for Easter cards to mail out. They are so cute!

Speaking of Easter, it's right around the corner! And you know what? I don't think I want to get back on Facebook. I really haven't missed anything, except the occasional picture or two (like my friend's wedding I didn't get to attend) or keeping in touch with my out of state family. We'll have to see once Easter is over what we'll do.

I cheated. I knew there was no way I'd have a chance to finish crocheting Layna's christening gown, both because she keeps me busy all day and because where I'm at in the pattern I got a little stumped. So....I bought her a little white dress. Its not an official christening gown, so it's not long like most of them are, but it is still beautiful. Now to decide what Sunday to do it on and get invitations made up. I wish I had some ink in my printer, it would make things so much easier!

By the way I LOVE Walgreens for all my picture printing needs. They run a different sale every week on prints and gifts. They had early Easter promos where I got a free 8x10 collage, 10 free 4x6, and 50% off a commuter mug for Pop. Good stuff!

Next week it's to the mall in Tullahoma for a visit (and pictures, if they aren't too expensive) with the Easter bunny! I can't wait to see if that photographer can make Layna smile! Haha!

Relief, Stress, and Pictures

Well....just as I thought, the loser sperm donor did not show up for the DNA test today. It relieves me that he didn't, as much as I was stressing about it. Now they make another appointment, which we don't have to be at (thank God!) and if he doesn't show up for it, he has to answer in court. Doesn't show up for court? He's screwed.  :)

That being the relief of the day, everything else was blah. Went to Wal-Mart for a few groceries and essentials. Our store STINKS!! Their idea of "remodeling" is painting the walls. Seriously? They are always out of everything! They never have any clothes in Layna's size. Today they were out of her baby bottles, and I needed to get a few extra. And lets not forget the 20 people in line and only 3 registers open.

Went to Save a Lot for my meats. Actually had a nice lady check me out and a nice lady behind me complimenting Layna and how cute she is. Got home, unloaded, and was putting the meats in the freezer when Layna started crying. She would not stop. She cried all while I was cooking spaghetti to take to my dad. I gave her a bottle while waiting on the pasta. She drank and fell asleep......for 5 minutes! Then back to crying again.

She settled down for a bit, so I tried her 3 month pictures. She did good not crying for a while, but I couldn't get her to smile. I still got some cute pictures, just would have been nice if she had smiled. As soon as I got the perfect angle, she started throwing a fit again.

She cried till I got her in the car to take my dad his food, then she got quiet. Until we got home and back in the house. Then she cried again. And cried, and cried, and cried. All I have done for the last 4 hours is feed and rock her. She has finally at this moment gone to sleep. Normally I would have supper cooked, but she just hasn't let me tonight. And that's ok, because I haven't heard a word from Daddy at all today, even tho he knew I was worried about today......and, it is 8:45pm and dark, they aren't working in the dark! He wants to play around with his friends, he can fix himself something when he comes in. Don't ignore me all day and night and expect me to be a ray of sunshine when you decide I'm worth spending time with.

Can you tell I am stressed? I found mold in the bedroom where the window is leaking in the rain. Out the back door you can smell the sewage. I have tripped over so many things today, ran into things, stepped on things, hit my head on things.....I'm a walking disaster today!

Oh! And I have a question before I wrap up. My little Frogger is only 3 months old and my boyfriend isn't the mushy sentimental type (still don't have an engagement ring, and I gave him my mom's to give me so he didn't have to buy one.....he hasn't " given" it to me yet) so he won't do it for her. Is it bad I bought myself my own Mom shirt? It says" I'm a MOM, what's your super power?" I thought it was cute. Was it ok that I bought it instead of it being given to me?

Ok, here's pictures from today's photo shoot, both good and bad/funny. Notice the Elvis look in one of them! Haha!

Worry Over Thoughts

1) Today my little Frogger turns three months. It should be a happy day, but it might not be. Why? Because today we have to go to the child support office for a DNA test with her no-good baby daddy. I have a feeling he won't show up, but my fear is that he will and cause problems. He doesn't deserve any rights to her, he never wanted her (or me) and hasn't been here. She has a daddy that loves her, and me, and the no-good baby daddy doesn't need to be in her life.

2) I guess because of all the worry I dreamt about severe storms/tornadoes.

3) Layna didn't go to sleep till 10pm, and we are up again at 1:30am (when I started the entry). She usually sleeps better than this. I hope the next stretch will be longer, I need my rest before the chaos that could happen this morning.

4) Beings that Layna turns 3 Months today, I have to do a picture. I don't know how I want to do it just yet, I still have to work on her blackboard and exactly what she is going to wear. I try and color coordinate the board with her outfit. Which brings me to......

5) Easter. I know exactly what I want to do for the picture, but I don't know how to do it. She cannot sit up on her own yet, and when I prop her up she falls to the side. I want her in my old red wagon with her stuffed frog, rabbit, and chick. I just have to figure out how to put her in there.

6) Speaking of Easter, I wanted to take her to have her picture made with the" Easter Bunny". Well, there's only one place close by that I know of that has him, and they aren't doing it till the Friday and Saturday before Easter the next day on Sunday. Seriously? How are you supposed to mail out Easter greetings with the picture if you don't take them BEFORE Easter? Duh! That's why I want to try and do the red wagon this week, to get them made and mailed out to those family members that aren't on the world wide web yet. Haha!

7) In my nature walking at the in-laws Sunday, I picked up a tick! Hate them suckers! Just found him yesterday morning as I was preparing to get in the shower. Just glad he was big enough to see!

8) I had an old teddy bear I made a long time ago (crochet) and it had gotten nasty and stinky at my dad's house. I brought it here, washed and bleached it up, and gave it a girly touch. Layna is too young for it right now, but when she gets older she can play with it.

9) I joined a clothing exchange on one of the mommy apps I follow. They paired us up boy/girl. I got to buy boys outfits and send them to someone, and the other mommy gets to send Layna something. My package is due any day now, straight from ND. I can't wait to see what she got! I have another mommy I'm swapping with, but I haven't heard from her for a few days, so I don't know when we are going to exchange.

10) I am addicted to playing Bingo and Coin Dozier on my phone. I need to stop.

11) I still have yet to figure out why the Android version of the Blogger app is so much different, to the point that I will have to post my pictures in bulk at the end of the entries, otherwise the lettering between them will all be messed up.  :/

12) Layna has fallen asleep after her bottle, but at now 2:30, an hour later, I'm wide awake.

13) it is now 7:30am and little Frogger slept till 7am! Not too bad!

14) I am now more worried as the time gets closer. We are to be there at 10:15am. I hope I can stay strong and hold my own.

15) I don't like it when people talk about me behind my back, especially to my family.

16) I hate getting excited about things that might not happen. Bugz keeps talking about building us a house on Pa's land. Has it all drawn out. But what if he doesn't get any land? How are we going to afford all the supplies? What are we going to do with both my Grammy and my dad's houses when they pass? I'm sure not selling or renting them out. I want out of this trailer so bad. Not because it's a trailer, that doesn't bother me. Its because the landlord is letting things fall apart, he wants to sell the land, and the trailer is a wreck, full of spiders, ants, and roaches. Not to mention the sewer still overflowing in the back yard.

17) It is cold this morning! The heat is on in the house and it's still cold!

18) I have a sore throat. No good.

19) I am hungry, but afraid to eat because of my worried nerves.

20) I am so ready for this day to be over with, but I know it's only gonna get worse. Court dates, possible fighting for visitation (if he changes his mind). All I can do now is pray.

Sunday Sunday

Isn't that how the song goes? Oh no, wait, that's Monday Monday. Well, this morning started out that way, as a Monday. I woke up to a fussy baby at about 7:45am. As soon as I woke up, I smelled dog poop. Not the little dog, but the big dog. It almost made me gag! I looked all over the house, couldn't find it. The smell was the strongest around her crate. I didn't think twice, I threw her blanket that was inside it away. It was wet, but I could not find the poop. Well, I tossed the blanket in a garbage bag and threw it outside and then locked her in her crate.

As I was trying to fix breakfast she puked. Horribly. So horrible that I'm pretty sure she ate the poop I was smelling. I woke up Bugz, made him clean it up.

He lets her outside, run around for about 30 minutes while he moved her crate outside. She came back in, got in front of the sofa, and horribly puked again. All over the carpet.

So then, we went to church, my baby girl all smiles. From there we went to Nanny and Papa Billy's for lunch and Bugz, Holly, and Christyn's birthday cakes. I took a walk and found some cool wildflowers, including Dutchmans Breeches, a type of Bleeding Heart. It was all over the hills down there. Beautiful. I identified the DB,  the wild flox, and the wild violet, but no idea what the yellow, white petal, and the spotted green things are. Anyone know?

Photo Overload

So, Wednesday Layna was 12 weeks old. Where has the time gone?!?
We had a slow day that day. We deposited some money into her savings account. We put new flowers at my mom's grave, and we went to visit Grammy Sue. It was a beautiful day,  too bad there are storms moving in.

Below is a picture of my grandpa with his hands on my dad, and my dad's brother standing next to them. Notice the ears.....lol.
The second one is my dad.

Thursday was another beautiful day, but it was hot! We went shopping in T-town and got an awesome bargain on dresses for Layna for next year. $3.99 a piece! Don't have a picture yet, but will post one when
I get it.


After shopping we went to deliver Grammy Sue her groceries. We stayed for a while, till Layna started getting cranky. Then it was time to go! Haha!


Wide awake at Kmart, sound asleep at Kroger.

Today they are calling for storms. Blah! Totally not looking forward to that. Have a lot to do around the house, though, so it'll be a good day to stay indoors.

Too Many Thoughts!

It's been too many days since I blogged and I have so much on my mind to talk about! From gender neutral colors to slowing down while driving, from stupid lactose intolerance to sharp baby nails. This randomness might be long, so get ready!

1) I was born in May 1979. I reckon back then they didn't do gender reading on ultrasounds (did they even do ultrasounds? lol). So, you didn't know what you were having. I recently went to my dad's and went upstairs to the storage area (long story there). Was looking for my old My Little Pony dolls, which I did not find, and came across a bag of my baby stuff. I brought it down to go through. I laughed. There was a lot of yellow and clowns. There were mostly gender neutral patterns, but a lot of it looked more like for a boy. I would say it was because of the unknown before I got here, but even some of my older clothes, bought after I was born, looked very boyish. Maybe that's why I was a tomboy. Which brings me to....

2) Who says that blues and greens and browns and yellows have to be just for boys? While green and yellow are neutral colors, they don't mean the wearer is a boy! I had Layna in the cutest little long shirt from Carter's yesterday, and because it was blues, she was called a he numerous times. Now granted, in her car carrier you couldn't tell how girly her shirt was, but just because she's wearing blue doesn't make her a boy! I guess she's gonna have to wear a bow on her head from now on. 

3) Speaking of Layna, her nails are driving me nuts! They get sharp so quickly its hard to keep them trimmed. You have to get her when she's dead to the world asleep and cut them. Well, when she's that way I'm usually asleep myself or getting big chores done. Then she wiggles and punches and scratches me while I'm holding her. Which brings me to....

4) Cussing your child. As a Christian, I know it's wrong to cuss. As a human, I know it happens, especially when I get frustrated. And yes, I cuss my child. When it's 3:30am and she's wiggling and fighting me while taking her bottle,  when she was sound asleep right up to the moment I get in the shower and she starts screaming, when she's crying non stop and nothing you do makes her stop. Yeah, that's when it comes out, in frustration. Little s**t is the most used, s**t head comes out too. I feel bad, but when I get that frustrated it comes out. I have to learn to quit soon, before she gets to the age where she knows what I'm saying.

5) The bf's nephew had a bad wreck Sunday after church. We just happened to be coming along right after it happened. Things happen for a reason; we skipped church that morning, so we're on our way to his parents early, and came upon the wreck. He's only 16, and though he's been driving for a while, since getting his license, this is the second wreck he's had in 6 months. Both times he's flipped the truck. This time his truck (used) was only a day old to him. He was more than likely showing out for his cousin behind him and driving too fast around a dangerous curve. He got extremely lucky as he was not hurt, even after flipping AND being thrown from the truck from not wearing his seatbelt. Luckily his window was down, or he would have really been hurt flying into or through that glass. I pray now that he has learned his lesson and slows down.

6) Cooked supper last night ans it made my stomach upset. All because the label says" may contain milk", even though it is NOT listed in the ingredients. Been nauseous most the night.

7) I am losing my faith in car salesmen. My car, I was told, was a good car, and he wouldn't have put me in it if it wasn't safe, for Layna's sake. The more I drive it, the more issues I have. It smells hot after a trip, short or long. Yesterday while idling at Sonic, the temp gauge started rising. It didn't get too hot, but it was rising. Then the gear shifting were not smooth at all. It felt like it was jumping a bit. There is stop leak in the radiator. The change oil light comes on and stays on a bit when you start up, though it's not time. I'm beginning to wonder how long it is going to last. Turn about is fair play I guess, tho. I knew the truck needed AC work, but didn't know there was a miss in the engine. They had to fix that. Oops.

8) It went from snow cold to sun hot. It is so warm in my house I'm seriously thinking of turning on the air conditioner! I am sweating, and Layna is hot too.

9) I bought a new phone online. While I love the phone, it takes it 6 hours to fully charge! It has to have the original charger it came with. The seller is going to send it to me, let's pray it helps. The battery drains quickly too, but might just be because of the charge.

10) I miss my photography. I may have to start up again, take my camera with me wherever I go.

11) I really want to move out of this trailer. Love being next to Karen, hate the landlord and everything falling apart.

12) I am still addicted to hummus. Jellybeans not as much. Cocoa Pebbles are my new fave. With almond milk it's very good.

13) It is the 1st, April Fools Day. No jokes on me, and I'm not pulling any. I'm happy the way things are today....so far.

14) I did some major cleaning in the kitchen Saturday and it looks so good! Still have to do the stove and the floor. Can't wait to get the rest of the house as clean. Even though I want to move.  :/

15) I put Garfield the movie on so that Layna could watch tv while I was doing laundry. She fell asleep. Should I take a nap or keep cleaning? lol