Nightmares for the New Month

So, with all this high cholesterol business, I have become a huge worry wart. While I HATE this diet business, I know it needs to be done, for my health and for Layna's sake.

Yet, I worry. Dad has had a stroke in the past (didn't know he did, but it showed up on the tests). A great aunt on my Dad's side died of....heart attack I believe. My mom's sister has had heart issues, her brother has had multiple bypasses, so has her dad, and her mother's sister died of heart failure.

And that's only the ones I know.

So yeah, I am scared. I am a huge mess, worrying how long I'll be here for Layna, what will happen to me, when will it happen?

Just like I know I need to find a job, I know I need to work, but even though she drives me nuts sometimes, I want to spend every moment with Layna, in case something does happen. I don't want to be away from her.

Last night I had a horrible dream. Funny, it wasn't about my health or losing Layna or anything. It was about Nascar.

Now, you are probably saying "What? Why are you worried about a Nascar dream?"

Its because of the severity of the dream, the impact that it had on me.

We were watching, whether on TV or live was hard to tell or was back and forth. There was a horrific crash, only a few cars in front made it, the rest were caught up in the crash.

Now the details from here are sketchy. There was a huge pile, stacked upside down, sideways, and every which way. Reports on TV and online were that there were multiple fatalities, then they would hush it, as if they didn't want anyone to know. The count of fatalities that I remember was between 13-17. We tried to search the internet for information, but they were concealing it. You could feel the sadness, the heaviness, the depression.

When I woke up, that wouldn't go away. I am a big Nascar fan, but just looking at the pictures of teams on Facebook today brings back the dream again, over and over. Reliving that sad feeling over and over.

I don't know if there is any symbolism to the dream. Possibly the swiftness of the cars is how fast we live our lives, and the crash is how it can all come to an end in the blink of an eye. The secrecy, I can't figure out. 13-17, years left?

All I know is it shook me to the core, and I am ready to try and make things better. Whatever that may be.

For Layna.

For me.