For some reason the last few days I have been extremely exhausted. I have no energy whatsoever. Today I almost fell asleep driving to work, and I feel like I could fall asleep now.
I know part of it is depression. I miss being with Layna, and the weekends are so hard for me because I have to give her up. I know I'm also upset about not getting to keep this job. I mean, I want to stay closer to home, and not working will mean that I'll get to spend my days with Layna, which is good. The problem is #1) Money #2) Am I not good enough that they didn't want to keep me? Am I that horrible? Is it because I didn't go to college? Did they call a certain someone to get a reference and get a bad one because she hates me? All of this is eating away at my mind and driving me nuts.
Last night I wasn't feeling so well. My stomach got upset after we ate at Burger King, and I felt nauseous. I had already taken Layna to the bedroom and put her in her pack and play so she could sleep, so I told Bugz I was going to go lay down. I put the heating pad on medium heat and laid it under my lower back, which also hurts when I get nauseous. I must have passed out. When I woke up, Bugz was in bed, and I was still on my back....and Layna was laying on my chest. I have no remembrance of picking her up and laying her there. I have no remembrance of Bugz coming to bed. Was I that tired that I picked her up and put her in bed with me without knowing?
That was enough there to worry me, but then I started having dreams. I first dreamed that we were at Grammy Sue's, but it wasn't her real house.....kind of like it was, but it wasn't. She had gone to the bedroom to take a nap (she doesn't do that, she sleeps on the sofa) and we were going through a big walk in closet. She had about 20 pairs of shoes in the bottom of the closet, and I was going to go through them and get rid of them. She wakes up and comes in there and I ask her to go through them so that we can get rid of some of them. She has a fit, no one is going to get rid of her shoes. She wants to keep them all. That's all I really remember about that part of the dream.
In another dream, there was a house on a hill with woods behind it. It was abandoned. There wasn't a definite story, whether the owners died or disappeared. At one point it was that they had died, and that our neighbor Scott knew them. We decided to go into the house and see what was left behind. Everything was as they had left it, nothing disturbed, as if they would come back home that evening. From the things they had in the house, they had both a boy and a girl. They had lots of almost brand new baby girl things, and I started gathering some of the things together to bring home with me, Scott had said it was ok. He said they would want the stuff to go to someone that needed it. We looked through more things and I came across a camera that I have been wanting. Then, over in the corner, I saw a stereo behind some other things. It was just like the old stereo that I have, that my Grammy gave me back in the early 90's, a floor model. It had an extra, larger set of speakers to go with it. I remember going back to wherever it was that we lived and telling Bugz that they had the stereo/speakers but they were too big for me to bring back with me.
At one point, this older couple came up and tried to pass themselves off as the missing couple that owned the house. The cops were there and ran their drivers licenses and said that they were Impostors and not to let them have anything. They got in their vehicle and left. That's about all I remember of that one, too.
What in the world is up with the strange dreams and the whole Layna deal? No wonder I am so tired this morning! I am sure I did not sleep well with her laying on me, and after we got up at 2am for a bottle, she was fussy and I had to keep her in bed with me again. I knew I wouldn't roll over and drop her or anything like that, but after picking her up without knowing it, I was freaking out and just kind of half slept after that.
I am slowly waking up though. I am getting extremely pissed at the USPS. I have a tracking number that says my package had been delivered on the 27th at 10:18am. If was not delivered that day, nor was it delivered today. I have repeatedly called the post office this morning only to have it ring 20 times with no answer before I hang up. So now not only do they put our mail in the wrong boxes, but they say they've delivered something when they haven't. I'm about to leave a cherry bomb in the box for the idiot! If I could afford it, I would get a PO Box, but they would probably just screw that up too.
Today is just not my day so far. And with my job ending this Friday, its just going to get worse instead of better. Say a little prayer for me.
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